More on Signaling

Re-reading "The Cost of Living" post, below, I was pleased with it; I feel it conveys my thoughts on "sociological success" very well. One might make a slight distinction as to the weight of the various criteria in overall social stature and "dating desirability"; but all the criteria do figure in both.

I thought of three more criteria, two of which I have used to slight advantage (better than no advantage), and one which disfavors me.

Signal: pedigree. The social class into which one is born, and the money and connections attendant upon that fact, are enormously important, as much as Americans like to pretend otherwise. The depth of an individual's and family's local history can also matter quite a bit, though more in some places (Boston, for example) than others. (My score: I was born into the lower middle class, and there is no money along any branch of the family tree as far as I can tell. I have moved about a fair bit as an adult and have had no local history or rooted friendships to rely upon.)

Signal: charm. Are you intelligent, well-spoken, well-mannered? Like the wardrobe signal, this is one that contemporary American males seem to have largely discarded, which lends an additional advantage to those who don't discard it. Certainly it is an upper middle class standard. (My score: high. I project as well-bred and can hold my own conversationally in the most rarefied social settings. Going to a White House dinner might excite me but wouldn't faze me.)

Signal: presence. Becoming highly involved and visible on the community scene is generally well-received, and combined with a little shrewd public relations work to promote oneself, can have a definite impact on the attractiveness of one's persona. (My score: high, again, but in the small city setting. This is harder to pull off -- although not impossible -- in big cities, unless you already have the money and connections. Here in Wisconsin, it has been relatively easy to become visible, and the efforts I have been involved in genuinely interest me, which of course comes across. Phoniness and over-calculation are never recommended.)

Overall, taking the thirteen criteria I have laid out across two posts, I am a non-entity in a big city setting. In a smaller city, I can and do have a somewhat more successful "air," but it simply wouldn't hold up to close inspection -- a dating partner would see through it in a week.

So I am a flop by sociological standards, but I'll try not to let it depress me, having other fish to fry.